Unicorn Hunting: The Gay Edition

Unicorn Hunting

Unicorn; a single-horned horse symbolising purity, magic, and rarity.

Unicorns sound magical, don't they? Poly Unicorns are even more magical...

In poly they are a rare, mythical creature, gracefully prancing into your life to complete your perfect relationship. Except it’s less majestic fantasy and more impossible expectation.

In gay male triads, the search for a third—someone to seamlessly join an existing couple, be equally in love with both partners, and never cause any trouble—is the stuff of dreams (and a lot of dating app bios). While the idea of a three-person relationship can be exciting, unicorn hunting often sets everyone up for failure. Why? Because people aren’t mythical creatures who exist just to slot into someone else’s life.

So, let’s break this down: what does it actually mean to be a unicorn in a gay triad? Why is this dynamic so sought after, yet so hard to make work? And how do you navigate it without turning into a walking red flag?

The Appeal of the Unicorn

At first glance, adding a third seems like the ultimate relationship upgrade. More love, more sex, more fun, more hands to wash the dishes. Who wouldn’t want that?

For the couple, the appeal is clear: they get to keep their core relationship intact while adding someone exciting to the mix. There’s a built-in safety net—if things go wrong, they still have each other.

For the unicorn, it can be a thrill to step into an established relationship that’s already emotionally and sexually fulfilling. No pressure to ‘be enough’ for one person, no expectation to handle everything alone. Plus, for some, being adored by two people at once? Not a bad deal.

But here’s the catch: the fantasy and the reality rarely align.

Unicorns are often expected to just fit in, with no say in how the relationship functions. They’re treated as a bonus feature, not an equal partner. And that’s where things start to fall apart.

The Rules and Expectations (Or, ‘What Could Possibly Go Wrong?’)

The problem with unicorn hunting isn’t just that couples are looking for a third. It’s how they go about it.

Here’s what typically happens:

• The couple sets all the rules. “You can date both of us, but not separately.” “You can move in, but our relationship comes first.” “You can have sex with us, but only if we are both here.” The unicorn? Expected to just say “Sounds great!”

  
  

• There’s often a built-in power imbalance. The couple has an existing relationship, shared history, possibly a home together. The unicorn? The new guy, always trying to find his place.

  
  

• The ‘third wheel’ problem. Even in well-meaning triad, it’s easy for the unicorn to feel like an outsider—brought in for fun, but never truly part of the foundation.

  
  

• Jealousy and insecurity creep in. The couple assumes they’re solid—until one of them starts feeling left out. Or one develops a stronger connection with the unicorn. Suddenly, it’s not all sunshine and threesomes anymore.

  
  

• Unicorns often get discarded. If the dynamic shifts in a way that doesn’t work for the original couple, guess who gets pushed out? The third. A lot of these relationships end with “Actually, we’ve decided to focus on just us.”

So, is it possible to build a healthy, equal triad? Absolutely. But it takes self-awareness, genuine respect, and a willingness to break the traditional unicorn-hunting mindset.

Polyamory 101: The Terminology You Should Know

If you’re diving into polyamory, you’ll need to know the lingo. Otherwise, you’ll be sitting at a poly brunch nodding along like you have a clue what “kitchen table poly” means.

Here’s your cheat sheet:

• Nesting Partner – The person you share a home with. Think “primary” partner without the hierarchy.

  
  

• Hinge – The one in the middle of a V-relationship, balancing two partners who may or may not be involved with each other. (And yes, the hinge often gets the most emotional heavy lifting.)

  
  

• Kitchen Table Poly (KTP) – A dynamic where everyone in the polycule can sit around a table and be friendly, even if they’re not dating each other. Ideal in theory, tricky in practice.

  
  

• Comet – A lover who swings into your life every now and then, burns brightly, then disappears until next time.

  
  

• Dragon – Like a unicorn, but more independent and boundary-driven. Basically, a unicorn with claws.

  
  

• Cheating – Yes, it exists. Polyamory isn’t a free-for-all; breaking agreed-upon rules is cheating.

  
  

Get these down, and you’ll sound like a seasoned poly pro.

How to Tell if Someone is Poly (And Whether They’re Any Good at It)

So, how do you spot a genuine polyamorous person from one who just wants to shag around without commitment?

Signs they’re actually poly:

✅ They communicate openly about expectations, boundaries, and feelings.

✅ They have a track record of ethical, non-monogamous relationships.

✅ They understand jealousy and how to navigate it.

✅ They don’t treat people as interchangeable or disposable.

Red flags that scream ‘AVOID’:

🚩 “We’re just looking for a third, but only together.”

🚩 “No drama, no emotions, just fun.”

🚩 “We’ve never done this before, but we’re sure it’ll be fine!”

🚩 “You’re not allowed to date anyone else, but we can.”

A good poly partner—whether single, coupled, or in a triad—is emotionally mature, honest, and understands that relationships are built on mutual respect, not rigid rules.

Making a Triad Work (Without It Exploding in Your Face)

So, you still want a triad? Good news: it can work! But it takes effort.

• Treat all partners as equals. No ‘primary couple’ with a ‘bonus’—everyone should feel valued.

  
  

• Let relationships develop naturally. Forcing a “we must all love each other equally” narrative is unrealistic. Some connections will be stronger than others, and that’s okay.

  
  

• Balance time and affection. No one should feel like the third wheel in their own relationship.

  
  

• Address jealousy and insecurity. These feelings don’t magically disappear just because you’re poly. Talk about them.

  
  

• Understand that polyamory isn’t a ‘quick fix’ for a struggling relationship. If your foundation is rocky, adding a third won’t stabilise it—it’ll crack it wide open.

  
  

A successful triad isn’t about finding a unicorn to fit a pre-existing mould. It’s about three people genuinely falling for each other, with respect, communication, and a willingness to adapt.

The Reality Check

The biggest problem with unicorn hunting? It treats a person as an accessory rather than a fully formed human with their own needs, desires, and boundaries.

A real triad doesn’t happen because two people go searching for someone to complete them. It happens when three people, through time, effort, and genuine connection, find a way to make it work.

If you’re treating a unicorn like a prize, you’re doing it wrong. If you’re building something real, organic, and based on mutual care, you might just make it work.

But for the love of polyamory, don’t go swiping through dating apps with “Looking for our perfect third” in your bio. You’ll just scare them off.