Three's Company, Not a Crowd: Let’s Talk Triads

One relationship. Unlimited potential for love—and chaos. Welcome to the world of triads, where polyamory cranks the emotional stakes up to eleven and Google Calendar becomes your best mate.

Triads (or “throuples,” a term somewhat frowned upon in poly circles) involve three people romantically or sexually connected. Sometimes it’s an equal triangle, with everyone involved with each other. Sometimes it’s a V, with one person in the middle (the “hinge”) romantically connecting two people who aren’t shagging—or maybe even speaking to—each other.

If that sounds like a recipe for drama, well, it can be. But it can also be a profound way to love outside the monogamous box.

So, how do these dynamics play out, and why is everyone so obsessed with figuring out whether a triad is more “complicated” than a V? Let’s dive in.

What’s the Difference Between a Triad and a V?

Glad you asked. The terms get thrown around interchangeably, but they’re not the same.

Triads: Everyone’s romantically (and often sexually) connected to each other. Think of it as a love triangle where no one’s left staring awkwardly at the floor.

Vs (or Vees): One person (the hinge) is connected to two others, who aren’t romantically or sexually involved. It’s a bit more like a T-shape, where the hinge does the emotional heavy lifting between two people who may or may not vibe.

The big difference? Emotional flow. In a triad, emotions ping around in all directions like a drunk game of pinball. In a V, the hinge is managing two separate relationships that don’t necessarily overlap.

Both setups can be glorious or disastrous. It all depends on how you handle the complexity.

Why Triads Are a Beautiful Clusterfuck

Triads sound like the holy grail of polyamory, right? Everyone’s in love with everyone, no one’s left out, and the threesomes are chef’s kiss. But hold your horses—triads are work.

Emotional Ping Pong

In a triad, you’re not just dealing with one relationship; you’re managing four. Yes, four. There’s:

• Partner A and Partner B’s connection

• Partner A and Partner C’s connection

• Partner B and Partner C’s connection

• The dynamic of all three of you together

Having lived this firsthand, I can tell you it’s a juggling act. I spent hours on Google Calendar trying to ensure everyone got quality time. Weekly "round table" discussions became a lifesaver for addressing issues and planning time together. Group messages also kept communication flowing smoothly, even when schedules got hectic. And then there’s the emotional check-ins—“Are you okay?” “Are we okay?” “Is everyone okay?”—it’s endless. But when it works, it’s worth every logistical headache.

Jealousy Loves a Crowd

Jealousy isn’t just between you and one partner—it’s amplified when someone else is in the mix. If two people are vibing more than the third, feelings of exclusion can creep in fast.

During my triad, we made it a rule to address these feelings head-on. Jealousy wasn’t the enemy; it was a signal that something needed attention. We’d sit down, sometimes awkwardly, and talk it out. It wasn’t always fun, but it kept our relationships strong.

Balance Is Hard as Fuck

Equality is the dream, but it’s not always the reality. One connection might naturally be stronger, or one partner might feel like they’re giving more than they’re getting. Maybe there was an existing relationship that had more history than the triad, that might leaver a newer partner feeling excluded.

Keeping things balanced requires constant communication—and the ability to sit through some brutally honest chats.

One of our biggest challenges was ensuring no one felt left out. We scheduled regular one-on-one dates and group outings. It wasn’t foolproof, but it helped.

The (Relative) Simplicity of a V

Compared to triads, Vs can feel like the calmer option—but don’t let that fool you. Being the hinge in a V is no picnic. You’re effectively running two parallel relationships, which means twice the emotional labour.

Here’s where it gets tricky:

• Time Management: How do you ensure both partners get enough quality time without one feeling like they’re stuck with the scraps?

• Jealousy in Reverse: Partners in a V might compare how much attention or affection the hinge is giving each of them. (Cue arguments over who got the “better” date night.)

• No Built-In Support System: Unlike triads, where the other two partners might support each other emotionally, in a V, the hinge often feels like the middleman—and it can get exhausting.

  
  

I’ve experienced the hinge role during a V dynamic. My boyfriend and my other partner were good friends—metamours—we would often hang out socially. This dynamic added a layer of support and camaraderie that helped lighten my emotional load. But it also meant I had to navigate the complexities of ensuring everyone felt valued, even in group settings.

Why Bother? The Joy of Both

Triads and Vs can be messy, but when they work, they’re magic.

Here’s why:

• More Love: Whether you’re in a triad or a V, you’ve got more people to love and be loved by. That’s worth the occasional scheduling nightmare.

• Support Network: Tough day? You’ve got not one but two people to cheer you on, pour the wine, and tell you you’re fucking brilliant.

• The Sex (Obviously): Let’s not pretend this isn’t a perk. Threesomes, or simply the variety of having multiple intimate connections, can keep things fresh and exciting.

Tips for Keeping It Together

Whether you’re in a triad, a V, or just fantasising about one, here’s how to keep the chaos manageable:

• Master Emotional Self-Awareness

Jealousy? Fear? Feeling left out? Name the feeling, own it, and share it before it spirals. Emotional honesty is your lifeline.

• Communicate Like Your Life Depends on It

Regular check-ins are non-negotiable. Talk about what’s working, what isn’t, and what needs to change. And for fuck’s sake, don’t wait until you’re pissed off to say something.

• Learn to Let Go

You can’t control every connection or emotion. Trust your partners, embrace the unknown, and stop trying to micromanage how things “should” look.

• Prioritise Everyone’s Needs

In a triad, make sure all connections get quality time. In a V, the hinge needs to balance attention fairly. Neglect breeds resentment—don’t let it fester.

Don’t Over-Romanticise It

Triads and Vs aren’t utopias. They’re real relationships with real problems. If you expect perfection, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

The Bottom Line

Triads and Vs aren’t inherently better or worse than each other—they’re just different. Both require emotional intelligence, stellar communication, and the ability to let go of rigid expectations. Whether you’re navigating a love triangle or managing parallel relationships, the key is to embrace the mess and focus on what’s working.

Love isn’t one-size-fits-all. Find a dynamic that makes you feel fulfilled, supported, and maybe a little bit horny. So, if you’re considering a triad or a V, here’s the real question: are you ready to embrace the chaos and give it a go?