Trigger warning: Theft & Crime
It's 4:07 AM, and I find myself at a deserted bus stop in central London. The streets are eerily quiet, rain drizzles steadily, and the first light of dawn begins to appear. It had been a wild night of partying, but things are about to take a turn for the worse.
I'm at the bus stop near Angel, the tube station is closed. I'm staring at my phone, trying to figure out how the hell I'm getting home with the TfL app.
A bike whizzes by, and in a flash some little shit snatches my phone right out of my hand. It was so fast I barely saw him—a young guy on a push bike… my phone’s gone and so is he.
My first reaction
“Oi you twat, come back here!”
Followed by a stupid idea. I started to chase the bastard. For all of about ten steps before my brain kicked in and said, “Lee, this isn’t worth getting stabbed for.”
So, I whipped out Apple's 'Find My' on my mates phone (the kind of mate that unquestionally gives you their phone seconds after you had yours snatched from your hand, the kind of mate that joins you in a hopeless chase after the wicked criminal, the kind of mate that was more angry about the whole situation that I was - the real-deal kind of mate, he's a legend). Anyway, within a few moments the stolen phone was locked, wiped and blocked. Enjoy the brick.
Meanwhile, some random bystander sighed:
“That happens a lot around here.”
After locking down my digital life I try calling 101, it's not really an emergency, and the scrote is long gone, so it's clearly not a 999 call.
Of course, 101 is busy. A recorded message told me to log the incident online. Because, you know, typing out a police report at 4:45 AM after being robbed is exactly what you want to be doing.
A Policial Side Quest
Let's be fair, the police are stretched thin - this isn’t going to be a crime they solve.
After 14 years of successive Tory government underfunding, crime is worse than ever, and the police can barely keep up.
Cheers for that Rishi, Johnson, May & Cameron (there another one wasn't there? Hard to remember which monkeys have been running the circus) you’ve done a stellar job. Roll on GE24 let's kick the Tories out.
ADHD Superpowers
Despite the adrenaline fuelled shaking, I felt a weird sense of relief. I had purchased a brand-new phone 2 days ago, and my ADHD superpowers told me to leave it at home tonight (admittedly as I thought I'd drop, lose, misplace or damage the new toy, I didn't think I would become the latest victim of the Islington Phone Snatcher).
I took Grown-Up-StepsTM to work with my ADHD brain and reduce the risk today. This time it had really worked! Miracles may never cease. My shiny new phone is safe at home (well somewhat safe, my ADHD brain forget to lock the front door - but that's another story for another day).
The drama is not over yet though, here's where it gets fun. I rely on Apple Pay for everything, including getting my ass home and Apple Pay without a phone is pretty useless. I had no way to tap in on the bus. My knight in Shinning Armour Friend rescued me again.
Four Days Phone-free
I was to be phone-free (well phone-service-free at any rate) for 4 days, waiting for a new eSIM QR code to be posted to my home address, I couldn’t just pop into the store for a replacement because my ID (my driver’s license) was in the back of my stolen phone case, so they had to post a new SIM card out. Brilliant.
Lesson Learned
This whole mess taught me to be a lot more careful about whipping out my phone in public. I have never given it a second thought before.
I’m more careful now. If I need to use my phone I step away from the road, put my back against a wall, and give my surroundings a quick scan. I’m looking for bikes, scooters, mopeds, and dodgy looking mother-fuckers. I keep it brief. I hold on with 2 hands. I’m not going to be victim again.
Thank fuck for Apple’s 'Find My', it let me deactivate my cards, wipe my data, and keep my digital life safe - and quickly. The phone is still pinging its location every few hours, but the police couldn’t care less. They’re stretched too thin to chase a kid on a bike with a stolen iPhone in hand.
Insurance? Thanks Monzo!
Thankfully, I had insurance for the handset provided by my bank! They approved the claim straight away (at 5 AM no less) and mentioned there’s been a 400% spike in these types of claims recently. Monzo were brilliant.
At the end of an awesome night, I'm not letting some lowlife on a bike ruin the vibe. Yeah, it was a pain in the ass, but it reminded me to stay alert and not take safety for granted.
Here’s What to Do If Your iPhone is Stolen
Using 'Find My' you can mark your iPhone as lost, the device is then put in Lost Mode – it’s locked with a passcode; payment cards and passes that you use with Apple Pay are suspended, and you can display a phone number and message for someone who finds your device. My message was 'Fuck you, you utter cunt' - not original, but I felt like I had the last word.
Here's how:
Sign in to iCloud.com/find.
Select your iPhone.
Select Mark As Lost
Select Activate to lock your iPhone with its existing passcode. If you don’t have a passcode set, you’ll be asked to create one.
Other things to do when your phone is stolen
Contact your mobile network to cancel your plan to stop unauthorised charges. They may be able to block your handset too.
Cancel or Freeze your credit/debit cards until you are sure Apple Pay has been disabled.
Change your Apple ID password and the password to any email accounts the phone had access too - if they gain access to your email, especially if you use it for 2FA you have a bigger problem.
Contact the police and report the theft.
Check if you’re insured. I didn’t realise my bank covered my mobile phone for theft as part of its benefits package. They replaced the handset within 48hrs.
Finally, Dear Phone Snatcher
To the person who snatched my phone that rainy bank holiday weekend: in that moment, I thought you were a real piece of work. But as days passed, I began to understand that your actions reflect a deeper struggle.
I realise your life must be pretty miserable. You’re out at 4 AM stealing from vulnerable people. I’m sorry your life is so piss poor and that’s what you’re doing with it. I hope your life improves. I hope you learn to be better. It must suck ass to be you. I feel pity for you - you can be better.