Trigger warnings: Sexual non-monogamy, Sex, Homosexuality.
Today I’m talking to you about my journey through the wild world of polyamory – it’s not just about endless bumming and blow jobs; though there’s a fair bit of that too!
How It All Started
It all began when my husband and I were looking for the solution to a ‘two tops is one too many’ problem. We started having a few cheeky threesomes with grindr hookups. NGL it was fun to Eiffel Tower a cute cub or two. More dicks. More fun.
After a few no strings fucks, we found one lad who really clicked with us. One night a week turned into two nights a week, and before long, he’d moved in, then we became a proper “throuple.”
The Perks of Poly Life
Being in a poly relationship has its perks. Financially, it’s a relief – splitting bills three ways means more money for fun stuff. Practical tasks get divided up, so there are fewer arguments about who’s doing the washing up. And emotionally, there’s always someone around for a chat or a cuddle. If one of us is feeling a bit off, the other two can step in with support. The extra sex also good. And there’s always someone prepared to toss a salad.
Awkward
It’s not all emotional support and food prep though. Once I was invited to a wedding and given a “plus one”. Had to have an awkward but hilarious chat with the bride to ask for a “plus two.” Threw her seating plan into chaos, but we all had a good giggle about it, and the wedding was a blast.
Misconceptions and Realities
One big misconception about polyamory is that it’s just sex, sex, sex. Yes, there’s a lot of that – and I’m a 3 times a day kinda guy so I wasn’t complaining – but there’s more to it.
Specifically what there’s more of is planning. I’m now a Jedi at scheduling on Google Calendar.
Chores, admin, and so many ‘talks about our feelings’ are part and parcel of making poly work.
Life After Separation
These days, I’m flying solo, having separated from my husband and boyfriend. But even though I’m single, I still identify as poly.
I’m out there dating, meeting people, and exploring connections with existing people.
The beauty is my poly-identity is fluid. Now for example, I’m only open to one emotional connection with one person. I still explore with physical connections, have FWBs and I’m still sexually non-monogamous. But my emotional bandwidth, and desire for romantic connection is somewhat narrower. I’ve even flirted with the idea that a monogamous relationship might work for me…
Quality Time is Crucial
Back in the Poly world though, it’s important to make sure you find quality time with each partner – we all have to feel special, valued and appreciated. Whether it’s a quiet night in, a fancy dinner, or just a walk in the park, making time for each other is key to keeping the connections strong.
Non-Hierarchical Relationships
In non-hierarchical relationships, which is my preference, everyone is important. There’s no “main” or primary partner and no secondary one; each relationship stands on its own and is valued equally. This can be tricky to manage but incredibly rewarding.
Dealing with Jealousy
You will feel jealousy. It’s natural and part of the process. The key is to learn to manage it. For example, when I feel a twinge of jealousy, I talk about it openly with my partners. We discuss the root of the feeling and address any insecurities head-on. Another strategy is practicing compersion – finding joy in your partner’s happiness with someone else.
Safety and Communication
Safety first! Establish safer sex agreements and stick to them. Regular testing is a must, and everyone needs to be on the same page about who they’re seeing and what precautions are being taken. This isn’t just about physical health but emotional wellbeing too.
In a Nutshell
Polyamory, for me, is about building deep, meaningful relationships that go beyond just the bedroom. It’s about sharing lives, dreams, and sometimes even the weekly shop. It’s a rollercoaster, but with the right people and mindset, it’s a brilliant ride - inside and outside the bedroom.
For now though, I’ve parked the poly and seeing what other relationship dynamics might bring me joy.