Why Do Some People Have a Problem with They/Them, Non Binary Pronouns?

I recently saw a friend of mine going off on social media about how they ‘don’t believe in they/them pronouns.’ And honestly? I’m exhausted. It’s 2025. How are we still having this conversation?

Let’s be clear: dismissing someone’s pronouns isn’t a ‘difference of opinion.’ It’s ignorance, it’s bigotry, and it makes you look like a hypocrite if you’re a gay man who’s benefited from the exact same fights for recognition and respect.

You don’t have to understand someone’s identity to respect it. You just have to not be a dick. If that’s too much to ask, you’re the problem.

The Hypocrisy: Haven’t We Been Here Before?

Gay men were once told their identity wasn’t ‘real.’ That homosexuality was unnatural, a phase, a rebellion against ‘biological reality.’ Sound familiar? Because that’s exactly what’s being said about non-binary people today.

Who led the fight for LGBTQ+ rights? Trans and gender-nonconforming people. Stonewall? Trans activists (Martha P Johnson). AIDS crisis activism? Trans activists. The legal fights for our rights? Trans activists. If you enjoy any kind of LGBTQ+ freedom today, it’s because of the very people you’re now trying to invalidate. Get a grip.

Is "They/Them" Even a Real Thing? (Spoiler: Yes, and You Sound Ridiculous Arguing Otherwise)

The ‘but grammar!’ excuse is nonsense. Shakespeare used singular ‘they.’ So did Jane Austen. So does literally everyone who’s ever said, “Someone left their phone.” (Oxford English Dictionary on Singular 'They').

If you accept that language evolves when it benefits you (‘gay’ used to mean ‘happy’), then you don’t get to cry about pronouns being too difficult. You just don’t want to, and that makes you an arsehole.

What Even Is Non Binary? And Why Does It Matter?

Some people feel more masculine some days, more feminine on others. Some just don’t fit neatly into either category. That’s gender fluidity.

This isn’t a ‘new thing’—many cultures have recognised more than two genders for centuries. Indigenous Two-Spirit people. South Asian hijras (UNESCO on Non-Binary Genders). The fa’afafine of Samoa. Western society is just late to the party.

And no, using they/them pronouns doesn’t make someone trans. Pronouns don’t equal gender. If you can grasp the concept of a drag queen being a man in a wig, you can understand this.

It’s Not a Trend, It’s Just That You’re Finally Noticing It

People have been non-binary for as long as people have existed. The only reason it feels new to you is because, for most of history, being open about it could get you killed, arrested, or sectioned.

Sound familiar? It should. Because it’s the same thing gay people went through. If you think non-binary identities are ‘a phase,’ just remember that homosexuality was considered a ‘mental disorder’ until the 1970s. (American Psychiatric Association on LGBTQ+ History).

Why Should I Bother? Isn’t It Just Words?

Words have power. That’s why being called a slur stings. That’s why gay men fought so hard for the right to be openly called husbands, not ‘roommates.’

Nobody’s asking you to become a gender studies expert. Just use the pronouns someone asks you to use. It takes zero effort and stops you from sounding like a wilfully ignorant arsehole.

Refusing to respect someone’s pronouns is misgendering. And no, it’s not the same as accidentally using the wrong name—it’s like deliberately calling a man ‘she’ just to be a knob.

Who Benefits from Division? (Hint: Not You, Love.)

The people attacking trans and non-binary identities are the same ones who think gay marriage is an abomination. The ones who tried (and in some places still try) to criminalise homosexuality.

If you think non-binary people are ‘ruining’ the LGBTQ+ community, you’re just doing homophobes’ dirty work for them. They don’t care about pronouns—they just love watching us tear each other apart.

If You Don’t Get It, That’s Your Problem

You don’t have to understand someone’s identity to respect it. But if you refuse to even try, then you’re no better than the bigots who dismissed gay people’s existence for decades.

Nobody’s asking you to be non-binary. Just to not be a tosser about the people who are.

This Isn’t a Debate—It’s About Basic Decency

If you expect people to respect your identity as a gay man, why wouldn’t you extend that same respect to non-binary people?

Being dismissive of they/them pronouns isn’t some bold act of ‘common sense’—it’s just lazy, ignorant, and embarrassing.

If you still refuse to respect non-binary people, be honest: it’s not about ‘biology’, ‘logic’, or ‘tradition’. It’s about your discomfort. And the world isn’t going backwards just to coddle you.

So grow up, move on, and stop making the LGBTQ+ community look bad. Because this conversation? It’s been had. And you’re on the wrong side of history.