Navigating life is like trying to assemble IKEA furniture—tricky, confusing, you should have someone to help you and there’s always an extra piece left over.
Having clear values is like finally finding those missing instructions: they help you know the steps to take to build something meaningful.
Recently I had to reflect (again) on my core values. We all have core values, and they play a starring role in shaping our actions, decisions, and relationships.
While everyone’s values are unique, I expect the people close to me to respect mine and to hold space for my values - even if they don't share them.
The further someone is from my values the less room I can offer them in my life.
Someone important in my life can sometimes frustrate me. Their behaviour often rubs up against some of my core values.
I could pretend this isn't an issue, or I could try to explain with kindness what I was seeing and feeling. Honouring my values meant I had explain, after all relationships are strengthened with honesty - so I'm told...
It got me thinking about what my core values are, and why they're important to me.
1. Authenticity
For me, living authentically means being real. It’s about being honest with myself and others, letting my true thoughts and feelings show. It's new to me, I'm navigating it after years of ADHD masking. Authenticity takes on a more meaningful role than ever before, and is currently my most important Core Value.
Authenticity helps build deeper connections and brings inner peace.
Connecting with inauthentic people feels like trying hold water in your hand. A lack of honesty creates a barrier. It's hard to build trust and meaningful relationships when someone is faking it.
2. Self-Respect & Boundaries
Self-respect is essential. It’s about knowing my worth and setting boundaries that protect my well-being, like a personal bubble of sanity.
Boundaries help keep relationships healthy and ensure needs are met. By respecting myself, I teach others how to treat me—no doormat vibes here. I expect my friends to honour my boundaries and I will honour theirs.
Maintaining relationships with people who don’t respect my boundaries is like trying to keep a cactus as a pet: painful and prickly. Ignored boundaries lead to feelings of being undervalued and disrespected, causing stress and resentment.
3. Equality
I have lived experience of inequality. I believe in treating everyone fairly and with respect, no matter their background. This means I don’t tolerate discrimination or inequality, and I aim to create an inclusive environment where everyone feels valued.
I expect my friends to support and uphold this principle too—no room for bigots at this party.
Maintaining relationships with people who don’t value equality is like trying to convince a cat to take a bath: distressing and ultimately impossible. Their views and actions go against my fundamental belief in fairness and respect for all.
Being around such negativity and prejudice is toxic, hindering genuine connection and fostering an environment of division and hostility. I won't look past it.
4. Independence
Independence is about being self-reliant and empowered, like a solo superhero with no need for a sidekick.
Independence allows me to grow and thrive on my own terms. I value friendships that celebrate and support this independence, allowing us both to maintain our individuality.
Dealing with people who aren’t independent is like constantly having to carry someone in a three-legged race—it’s exhausting and impractical. When someone constantly depends on others for decisions or support, it can be draining and hinder both parties' growth.
Being dependant on support from others is different to offering and accepting help. The former is about making someone responsible for your problems, the latter is where the magic of real support happens - where we learn to grow and solve our issues while someone keeps us safe from danger.
5. Loyalty
Loyalty is the cornerstone of all relationships, ask any dog—they’re just not right without it.
Being faithful and supportive to those I care about, through thick and thin, is essential.
Loyalty builds trust and deepens connections, creating a reliable support networks. I look for friends who appreciate and reciprocate this loyalty, ensuring trust and commitment are mutual.
Maintaining relationships with disloyal people is like trusting a squirrel with your nuts: it’s just not a good idea.
6. Self-Reflection
Take a look in the mirror. Regular self-reflection is crucial for personal growth, like a mental spa day.
Taking time to evaluate my actions and feelings helps me understand myself better and make positive changes. This ensures I stay aligned with my values and I continue to evolve. I value friends who also see the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.
7. Humour
Humour is life, turning mundane moments into laugh-out-loud experiences. It helps me handle tough situations and brings joy to everyday moments. By keeping a sense of humour, I maintain perspective. I enjoy being around people who make me laugh and who laugh with me, and occasionally at me.
My Values Guide Me
These values guide me towards a more authentic, respectful, and fulfilling life. I accept they evolve over time, and the weight of their importance changes.
My core values help me maintain a positive mindset, and makes decisions easier in difficult times.
So, what are your core boundaries? How do they shape your life?