The Importance of Solitude
It’s just me, myself, and I. No distractions, no expectations, just pure, unadulterated solitude. Sounds pretty great to me!
These moments are sacred. They’re a chance to recharge, recalibrate, and reconnect with myself on a deeper level.
I’m not anti-social or anything like that. I love my friends and family to bits. But there’s something about being alone that just speaks to my soul. It’s where I find my peace, my clarity, and my sense of self. And hey, if science says it’s good for me, who am I to argue?
Studies have shown that solitude can boost focus, lower stress, and even kick-start the ol’ creativity engine. I struggle with some of these things, so if some time alone helps - awesome.
Why Alone Time Matters to Me
Why does alone time matter so much to me? Well, for starters, it’s my sanctuary in a world that’s constantly buzzing with noise and activity. It’s my chance to escape the chaos and over stimulation and just be. Sensory overload is fucking exhausting.
Time alone means no pressure to perform, no need to put on a show, no deadlines to meet, no people to pacify, no mask to wear, no problems to solve, no thoughts to tame – just me, doing me.
Spending time with you needs planning
Navigating the world with ADHD isn’t always straightforward. Making plans in advance can feel overwhelming. The thought of committing to something weeks or even days ahead can trigger a shit ton of anxiety.
I live in 'now' and anything outside of now is just one big 'not now'
What if I’m not in the right headspace when 'not now' becomes 'now'? What if I forget about it entirely amidst the whirlwind of daily tasks and distractions? What if I'm mid hyperfocus and walking away from whatever dopamine treasure has captured my imagination unleashes the kind of internal rage that burns with such fire it's a struggle to hide? What if I've masked all day and I'm utterly burned out? What if I've accidentally committed to more than one person, place or activity at the same time?
Planning ahead is a constant battle against the unpredictable nature of my world, I'm bound to fuck it up.
And yet, spontaneity isn’t the answer either. As much as I enjoy connection, I need time to mentally prepare, to ease into the socialising headspace, to mask, to function, to transition from my thoughts free-wheeling and unrestrained and to herd them into some kind of functional state that can hold a coherent conversation.
So, when you ask to hang out tonight, popover for a brew, nip for coffee or grab a quick beer - I really don’t want to; I'm not ready. It wasn't planned. I just can't switch on that quickly.
Our time together needs to live in that Goldilocks zone – not too soon nor too far away – So I feel ready to meet you as an equal.
My alone time isn’t about avoiding people or shunning social interaction either. It’s about finding a balance that works for me, honouring my needs, and respecting the ebb and flow of my mind. It’s about creating space for solitude without sacrificing the joy of connection.
Helping Loved Ones Understand
Now, I’ll be honest – it’s not always easy helping my loved ones understand why my alone time is so important to me.
They mean well, of course, but sometimes they just don’t get it. They see me retreating into my cave and wonder if they’ve done something wrong or if I’m mad, sad, upset, angry or avoiding them - and then they push for connection, for reassurance, for interaction.
But here’s the thing – it’s not about them. It’s about me and what I need to thrive. And if they could just see that, well, it would mean the world to me. Because when they respect my need for alone time, it’s like they’re saying, “Hey, we get you, and we support you.” And let me tell you, that’s worth its weight in gold.
Embracing My 'Me Time'
So, there you have it – the lowdown on why my alone time is so important to me, why I don't want to make plans weeks ahead, or at the drop of a hat.
Space and solitude are my sanctuary, my escape, and my chance to recharge my batteries, to regulate my emotional and cognitive functions. While it might take a bit of explaining to get my loved ones on board, I’m hopeful that they’ll come to see just how vital it is to my well-being.
I am embracing the power of solitude, honouring my own needs, creating space for the things that light me up. Because in a world that’s constantly pulling me in a million different directions, finding moments of solitude is like coming home to myself.