Confessions of Married Bi Bloke: What Happens the First Time in a Gay Sauna

Alright, let’s get summat straight before we dive in—if yer readin’ this, chances are yer curious. Maybe a mate mentioned gay saunas, maybe you’ve been lurkin’ on forums, or maybe you’re here ‘cos ya typed ‘first time gay sauna’ into Google at 2 AM with a belly full of nerves and a half-stiffy wonderin’ if this is a terrible idea.

It’s not.

Gay saunas are nothing like yer standard gym sauna, and the first time can be a right mix of nerves, excitement, and sheer confusion. What actually happens? How do ya signal interest? What’s the deal with towels? And most importantly—how do ya make sure it’s a good (and safe) experience?

Grab yer towel, lad. I’m takin’ ya inside.

Arrivin’ at the Gay Sauna: What to Expect at the Door

Most gay saunas are discreet AF. No big neon sign sayin’ “Come get yer cock out here”—usually just a plain doorway down a quiet street, maybe a buzzer or small sign that says ‘Men’s Health Club’ or summat equally vague. It’s not like a pub where ya just stroll in—ya press a buzzer, wait, and then some bloke at reception lets ya in.

First time ya go, they might ask for ID. Some places register ya so next time all ya gotta do is give ‘em yer member number. It’s all private, though—nobody’s namin’ and shamin’ sauna lads in the local paper.

You’ll pay yer entrance fee (usually about £15-£25), and in return, ya get:

• A locker key (on a wristband—more on that later)

• A towel (sometimes two if they’re feelin’ generous)

• A small packet with condoms & lube (yep, they’re lookin’ out for ya)

  
  

From here, ya head into the locker room—and this is where shit gets real.

Strip Down, Wrap Up, & Enter the Unknown

You get naked in the locker room. No way around it. Towel goes round ya waist, boxers off. Some lads will wear a jockstrap or underwear, but most just go towel-only, or full commando. First-time nerves hit hard here—I stood there like a right twat, clingin’ to me towel like a life jacket while other blokes casually undressed like it were nowt.

Now, remember that wristband? Some say the wrist ya wear it on signals if yer a top (left wrist) or bottom (right wrist). Dunno how true that is, but I panicked, picked right, and hoped for the best.

Once you’re towelled up, ya step into the sauna proper. And mate… it’s like walkin’ into another world.

Inside the Sauna: The Layout & What Goes On

A proper gay sauna usually has:

1. A Steam Room – Hot, dark, pure filth. You’ll barely see through the steam, but you’ll hear what’s goin’ on—soft moans, slappin’ sounds, the odd deep grunt. Some blokes sit quietly, some wank, some… well, let’s just say the steam hides a lot.

   
   

2. A Dry Sauna – A traditional wooden sauna. Bit more civilised, but plenty of spread-legged lads givin’ each other ‘the look.’

   
   

3. A Hot Tub – A social space… or an invitation. If a lad rubs your leg under the water, he’s interested. If ya move away, he’ll get the message. If ya stay put, well…

   

   
   

4. A Dark Room – Pitch black, bodies movin’, hands explorin’. If you go in here, ya need to be ready for anything—but ya can also pull back whenever.

   
   

5. Private Cabins – Little rooms with beds. Some leave the door open (inviting company), some lock it (private session). If ya wanna have a one-on-one, this is where ya take it.

   
   

6. A Porn Cinema – Yep. A room with a big screen playin’ filthy porn. Lads sit, watch, wank, and sometimes help each other out.

   
   

7. A Lounge & Bar – If ya need a break, ya can grab a drink, a snack, or just people-watch.

   
   

8. The Roof Terrace – Some saunas have ‘em. Bit of fresh air, bit of exhibitionism, depends on the mood.

   
   

It’s a full-on adventure playground for grown lads. But how do ya actually start summat?

The Unspoken Rules of Sauna Hook-Ups

Yer not gonna walk in and have blokes immediately throwin’ themselves at ya (unless ya walk in bollock naked with a sign that says ‘Shag me now’). There’s an etiquette—a system of silent signals that every sauna lad learns quick.

Eye Contact is King

If a bloke holds yer gaze for more than a second, he’s interested. If ya look away, ya just declined politely. If ya look back, maybe smile, ya just gave the green light.

Touch is the Next Step

In the hot tub or steam room, if a bloke brushes yer leg and ya don’t move away, it’s on. If ya touch back, yer basically sayin’, “Yeah mate, let’s do this.”

The Towel Game

Towel hangin’ off, barely coverin’ owt? He’s invitin’ ya to check ‘im out. Guy standin’ with his towel open? Yer gettin’ the full sales pitch.

Open Doors Mean ‘Come Join’

If a private cabin door is open, ya can watch, join, or just enjoy the view. If it’s closed, leave ‘em to it.

Consent is Silent But Clear

Blokes move in slow. A touch, a nod, a slight lean-in. If ya don’t want it, just pull away—nobody will push it.

Safer Sex: The Basics (Because Nobody Wants an STI as a Souvenir)

The good news? Saunas usually give out free condoms and lube. It’s literally encouraged to play safe, and ya don’t have to go askin’ awkwardly at reception.

• Grab condoms & lube from the reception area or bowls scattered around.

  
  

• Use ‘em. Every time. 

  
  

• If ya see a condom left on someone’s back? That’s the universal ‘put it on before ya enter’ sign.

  
  

• Check before ya go bare. Some blokes are into it, some aren’t, don’t assume.

  
  

So… Did I Do It?

Lad. Of course I did.

First time, I were nervous as fuck, sittin’ in the steam room like an awkward virgin. But after an older fella gave me ‘the look,’ I thought fuck it, let’s see where this goes.

What followed were one of the hottest, filthiest, and most exciting days of me life. I went in just wantin’ to see what it were all about…

I came out knackered, sweaty, and grinnin’ like an idiot.

Did it change me? Maybe. Did I regret it? Not for a fuckin’ second.

So if ya sat there wonderin’ whether ya should take the plunge…

Get yer towel, lad. Sauna’s waitin’.