Communication takes work, and sometimes we don't have the energy for it.
If you have an ADHDer in your life, you might have noticed that they often avoid phone calls or just don't seem up for a chat. It’s not necessarily that they don’t want to talk to you—they’ve just got a lot going on in their heads that can make communication tricky. Here’s a look at why your ADHDer finds phone conversations, and sometimes just general communication, challenging.
1. Sensory Overload
Imagine being bombarded with numerous sounds and needing to focus on all of them simultaneously. That’s what a phone call can feel like for someone with ADHD. The other person’s voice, background noises, and the pressure to reply quickly can be totally overwhelming. It’s no wonder we dodge phone calls.
2. Executive Functioning
Executive functions are like the brain's management team—they help with planning, organisation, and remembering stuff. For us ADHDers, these functions can be a bit off, making it hard to stay organised during a call, remember to call back, or keep track of the conversation. It’s mentally exhausting!
3. Fear of Rejection
Many ADHDers are super sensitive to rejection (hello, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). We might worry about saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood, which makes phone calls pretty stressful. Unlike texting, there’s no time to think through a response, so the pressure is on.
4. Real-Time Processing Struggles
Talking on the phone means you have to process information quickly and respond right away. ADHDers can find keeping up with this pace tough. We might get frustrated or feel like we can’t keep up, so we avoid calls to sidestep the hassle.
5. Loving Asynchronous Communication
ADHDers often prefer communication methods where we can respond at our own pace, like texting or emailing. These methods let us take our time to process what’s being said and think through our responses, which is way less stressful.
6. Battery Saving Mode
Phone calls can be seriously draining for an ADHDer, requiring a lot of mental energy to stay focused. After a long day of dealing with ADHD challenges, we might just not have the energy for a chat. We have to manage our limited energy reserves.
7. The Hyperfocus Effect
ADHD isn’t all about distraction; sometimes, ADHDers get super focused on something and can tune everything else out. If we're deep into a project or hobby, we might forget to check our phone or reply to messages, leading to gaps in communication.
My Personal Communication Challenges
Here are my personal communication challenges and why they’re tough:
Unexpected Phone Calls: These are the worst because I don’t have time to mentally prepare or switch tasks. I need time to task-switch—maybe only a minute or maybe 45. Without this time, it’s like being yanked out of one world and shoved into another without warning.
Texts/Emails with Lots of Questions: If you ask me more than one or two things at a time, there’s a good chance I won’t take it all in. My brain gets overwhelmed, and I might miss or forget parts of the message. You'll likely get an answer to only one question; the rest is gone forever.
Voice & Video Notes: I can read much faster than you can talk. Waiting for you to get to the point is mentally hard work. If you send these kinds of notes and ask questions, I might leave midway to reply or find the answer. I’ll never get back to the rest of the note. Ever. They might be convenient for you, but they're painful for me.
Switching Messaging Platforms: Where possible, keep the conversation in one place. You choose the place—I don't care—but jumping between platforms is a recipe for distraction. If I get distracted, I'll end up on an ADHD side quest, and you're gonna be left hanging.
How to Make Communication Easier
If you’re trying to communicate with your ADHDer, a little understanding can go a long way. Here are some tips:
1. Be Patient: Know that if they’re avoiding calls, it’s not personal.
2. Text or Email: These methods can be way more comfortable for them.
3. Schedule Calls: If a phone call is necessary, plan it ahead of time so they can get ready.
4. Keep It Short: Shorter calls can be less overwhelming.
5. Send Summaries: Follow up with a text or email summarising the key points of your conversation.
The biggest thing you can do to improve communication with your ADHDer is to ask them how you can communicate in the best way for them.
Wrapping Up
We ADHDers have our own unique set of challenges when it comes to communication. By understanding these struggles and being flexible with how you communicate, you can make things a lot easier for us.