I really struggle with digital communication
There, I said it. Digital communication is incredibly hard for me, I honestly hate it at times - but I know instant messages & texts are important ways of maintaining relationships and I value my relationships. I want to show my loved ones they matter - so I do my best.
I hope that if I openly and honestly explain why it's so hard, you might understand the ADHDers in your life a little better. So grab a cuppa and settle in as I share the ins and outs of my digital disasters.
Focus and Engagement
First off, let's address the elephant in the room: texting requires focus, and focus is something I struggle with.
My brain is like an overactive monkey swinging from thought to thought, making it near impossible to stay engaged in a text conversation for more than a hot minute. It's like trying to catch smoke with my bare hands – frustrating, to say the least.
Organisation Challenges
Then there's the issue of organisation (or lack thereof). I try hard to manage my scatterbrained tendencies, but I'm often unsuccessful - which means my text conversations can resemble a tangled ball of yarn rather than a neat and tidy thread. I'll start off chatting about one thing, get distracted by a shiny new thought, and before you know it, I'm off on a completely different tangent. It's not unusual to start a conversation in the middle, and the poor recipient has no clue or context about what's going on.
Notification Overload
Also, there's the constant bombardment of notifications. Texting can feel like being trapped in a never-ending game of Whac-A-Mole, with messages popping up left, right, and center.
I really struggle to filter out distractions; this constant onslaught can be overwhelming. If I'm trying to focus, or worse, I'm in the middle of hyperfocus, the notifications can trigger unreasonable and unjustifiable rage. It's not you, it's me - and I'm working on my emotional regulation.
Forgetfulness and Procrastination
Another hurdle in navigating instant messages with ADHD is the tendency to write out reponses but forget to send them, or to get distracted after I've read your message and completely forget to reply altogether. It's not uncommon for me to draft a thoughtful response, only to realise hours (or even days) later that I never hit send. Yes, I do appreciate how ridiculous that sounds - but a distraction at exactly the wrong time is ridiculously common (then again everything is a potential distraction for us ADHDers).
If it's been awhile since I should have responded, if I didn't notice my unintentional ignorance until too late, things get dark. The shame-monkey jumps on my back - it becomes impossible for me to message you.
I failed, I let you down, I was rude and inconsiderate. I left you 'on read' - now you won't want to hear from me at all...
I understand the impact
But here's the thing: while texting may be a struggle for me, I'm not oblivious to the impact my struggle has on my loved ones. I know that my delayed responses and scattered thoughts can be frustrating, even hurtful - and for that, I'm truly sorry.
I don't mean to leave you hanging or make you feel like your messages aren't important, to miss the unspoken cues or subtle subtext of your messages. It's just that my brain operates on a different wavelength, and sometimes, that means I drop the ball when it comes to keeping up with text conversations.
Oh, and speaking of dropping the ball, if you ask me too many questions in a string of messages or even a single text, don’t be surprised if I only respond to one of them. It’s not that I’m ignoring you – it’s just that processing multiple questions at once can feel like trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle. I'd love to say that I’ll get to the rest eventually, but I'll likely forget the ones that I didn't answer, again - I'm sorry.
Conclusion
Texting may be the bane of my digital existence, but I'm doing my best to navigate this 'always-on' world that wasn't built for my brain. So next time you find yourself waiting for a reply from me or another ADHD buddy, when we've left you 'on read' or you didn't hear from us when you expected to - cut us some slack – we're trying our hardest, we don't mean to hurt you, and we do love you - I promise.