Living with ADHD means dealing with a lot of negative stuff, like being easily distracted, always late (or anxiously early), and often impulsive. But there's a unique up-side to it that doesn't get talked about much: people with ADHD often have a knack for spotting when someone is lying to them. Its like having an inbuilt polygraph machine.
Why We're So Good at Detecting Lies
ADHD affects how we take in and process information, often making us more aware of what's going on around us. I’ve found that this heightened awareness makes it easier to pick up on lies. Here’s why those of us with ADHD are often really good at picking up on lies:
Sensory Observation
ADHD brains struggle to keep our focus on a single thing, but what they’re really good at is taking in many things all at the same time. This often leads to sensory overload, but sometimes it lets us see more than we’re being told.
Any inconsistencies in what someone is saying or doing can stand out. We see & hear all of the little details. We noticed the inconsistencies, our bullshit detectors are highly attuned.
I remember one time a friend told me a story, a rant really, about their overbearing girlfriend. A few weeks later at a retelling of the story the details changed in insignificant ways, but they were important enough to change the whole story. That kind thing doesn’t slip past someone with ADHD.
2. Pattern Recognition
Our brains love spotting patterns and finding new things. When someone’s lying, they often break their usual patterns of behavior or speech. I can often tell if something is off just by the way someone is talking. It’s almost like a sixth sense—I notice a slight change in tone or a hesitation that gives it away.
3. Emotional Sensitivity
Many of us with ADHD are really in tune with emotions, our own and others’. We can often sense when someone feels anxious or uncomfortable, which often happens when they’re lying.
I’ve had times when I felt something was wrong even before any obvious signs were there. It’s like a gut feeling that I’ve learned to trust.
The Real-World Impact
Being able to detect lies can be useful, but it also has its downsides. People lie a lot. Usually no real harm is meant.
When I catch someone lying, even about a small thing, it can be really unsettling. These little lies add up and make it hard for me to trust that person. I've had relationships where small lies chipped away the trust until I found it hard to believe anything he said. These relationships are over pretty quickly.
Many a noccasion I knew someone was lying - and once that thought is in my mind I can’t help myself but collect the evidence needed to prove my hunch. I’ve not once been wrong.
Sometimes I call out their lie, other times I let it continue - knowing that our relationship is one step closer to a critical breakdown in trust.
I walk around in a world where everyone has taken a truth serum that doesn’t affect their words but highlights their non-verbal communications.
Little Lies Hurt Big Truths
The phrase ‘little lies hurt big truths’ really hits home for me. For someone with ADHD, every small lie gets stored away in the rollerdex of my memory and is recalled randomly next time my pattern-recognition wired brain is triggered.
Over time, these small lies can pile up and completely break my trust. Once trust is damaged, it’s tough to rebuild, especially when you remember every single time someone wasn’t honest with you.
I once had a boyfriend that would frequently tell "white lies" to avoid confrontation or to make things seem better than they were, or even just to ‘impress’ me, occasionally even to make me feel jealous. Over time these small deceptions added up. I started doubting everything he said, even the important things. It wasn't just about the little lies—they made it hard to believe the big truths too.
Building Trust and Honesty
If you’re close to someone with ADHD, honesty might be super important to them too.
Here’s how you can help build and keep our trust:
- Be Consistent: When your actions and words match up regularly, it helps us feel secure and builds trust. Consistency shows that you're reliable and that we can count on you.
- Communicate Openly: Being upfront and honest in your communication reassures us that we can rely on you. If something is wrong, let us know. We’d rather hear the truth than a comforting lie.
- Acknowledge Mistakes: If you mess up or lie, own up to it. Apologising for, or acknowledging a lie can really help in mending the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes, but admitting them shows that you respect us and value our trust.
Conclusion
ADHD has its challenges, but it also brings some unique strengths. Being able to detect lies is one of those strengths, but it can also be tough to deal with. Small lies can do a lot of damage over time because. Honesty is key, especially when dealing with someone like me, with ADHD. Trust, once broken, is hard to fix, but with genuine effort and respect, strong and honest relationships can grow.
I’ve learned to embrace this power as part of who I am. It helps me navigate my relationships with a clearer sense of who I can trust. If you’re close to someone with ADHD, remember that your honesty matters more than you might realise. Little lies can have a big impact, but with openness and honesty, we can build trust and strengthen our connections.